Happiness
by Jose Argao
Summary: My first Shinobu fic. Set after volume 14, this is a bit darker than my Ranma work. The people at the ffml and the fanfiction refuge thought it was good.


Disclaimer: Love Hina and its characters are owned by someone else.  
  
Warning: This fanfic contains mature themes, scenes, and ideas. It is  
somewhat dark, and not at all like most of my other work.  
  
Warning: Spoilers! (post vol. 14)  
  
Happiness  
by Jose Argao  
  
  
"Come in, the door's open."  
  
I was not surprised to see Keitaro Urashima enter my room and   
make his way over to my study table. It was half past twelve, and all   
the other residents of Hinatasou were already asleep. If Keitaro's   
previous nocturnal visits were any indication of how this one would   
turn out, however, I would not be able to go to bed for a while yet.  
He had been visiting me regularly for the past few nights, looking for   
someone to talk to in his hour of need. I waited a few seconds before   
speaking, giving him time to gather his thoughts. I already knew what   
the answer to my question would be, but I asked anyway. It had become   
customary for the two of us to start our evening talks this way.  
  
"Has Naru-Sempai come home yet?"  
  
Keitaro simply shook his head. There was none of his usual  
energy in the action. His eyes, usually so vibrant, were completely   
lifeless. It felt almost as if I had been transported back to that  
day, so many years ago, when he had thought that Naru-Sempai had  
rejected him in favor of Seta-san. He took me out to try and forget  
about his pain. I still remember the defeated look on his face as  
he bought me candy and sodas. I had thought that this side of   
Keitaro was long dead, nothing but a faded memory. I was wrong, of   
course. Beneath his facade of carefree living, Keitaro was still a  
shy, insecure young man at heart. You could hardly tell, usually,  
but trying times could bring out the worst in just about anybody.   
  
I got up and pulled him towards the kotatsu Mutsumi had given   
me last Christmas. It was the best place in my room for someone to sit   
down comfortably, and Keitaro looked like he wouldn't be able to keep   
standing for much longer. He followed limply behind me, and sat slowly   
on the mat. I sat down on the other side, facing him. The expression on   
his face was one of pure sadness.   
  
It hurt to see him like this, a mere shell of the man he once   
was. I wanted to comfort him, to hold him in my arms and tell him that   
everything would turn out for the best. I wanted to hug him and kiss   
him and tell him not to worry because I was still here, waiting for him   
to love me. I couldn't do any of those things, however. I was afraid.   
Afraid that he would reject me. Afraid that he would tell me to get out   
of his life and never come back. I couldn't handle it if he did that. I   
loved him. I tried reassuring him with words of encouragement instead.   
Maybe all he really needed was a pep talk.  
  
"Don't worry, Sempai, I'm sure Naru-Sempai will be back before  
you know it. She's always been quick to forgive in the past. It's just  
that this time... you know... after what happened with Moto-"  
  
He suddenly perked up, and for a moment I thought that my  
plan had worked. My hopes were dashed to pieces, however, by the anger   
I saw in his eyes. He slammed his fist on the table, the violent action  
taking me completely by surprise.   
  
"Nothing happened! It wasn't what it looked like! Motoko and  
I were just discussing fighting forms, that's all. You believe me,  
don't you? You _know_ I never did anything with Motoko, right?"  
  
I didn't know what to say. I _wanted_ to believe him, but they  
were caught in such a compromising position! Motoko even had her top  
off... and he was _hugging_ her! I couldn't see how they could possibly   
have ended up in that position if they were just having a chat. Motoko  
wouldn't even talk about it. What was I supposed to think? The doubt   
must have shown on my face, because he got this betrayed look in his   
eyes and he shook his head as he began talking again.  
  
"You don't believe me, do you? You think I really _was_ having  
an affair with Motoko, don't you?"  
  
I turned away from him. The fact of the matter was that he  
was right. I really _did_ believe there was something going on between  
him and Motoko. All this time, even as I listened to him talk about  
how frustrating his search for Naru-Sempai was turning out to be, even  
as I gave him kind words of comfort to keep him from falling apart,  
there was always a part of me that believed he somehow deserved the  
pain and suffering he was going through.  
  
I was angry at Keitaro. I was angry at Motoko. I was angry at   
them both. Angry... and jealous. I couldn't accept the fact that Sempai  
had chosen someone else over me when he wanted to take a mistress.   
Didn't he notice how my breasts have grown over the years? Couldn't he  
see how my figure had developed? Wasn't he interested in running his  
fingers through my long, shiny hair? It was hard enough to accept that  
he would never love me as much as he did Naru-Sempai, but to be denied  
even second-place? I was livid!  
  
I guess that's why I've been acting extra nice to the two of  
them lately. I was ashamed of my anger, and ashamed of my jealousy. I  
wanted to be Sempai's 'other woman', and I hated myself for it. I  
couldn't lie to Keitaro about my feelings, though, so I just nodded  
meekly. Even though I couldn't see him, I could still hear when he  
took a deep breath and cleared his throat. He was probably going to  
leave, but not before telling me how disappointed he was about my lack  
of trust in him.  
  
"That's okay, Shinobu-chan. You're partly right, anyway. I  
wasn't being completely honest about what happened between Motoko and  
myself that night. I'm going to tell you what really happened, but  
you mustn't tell anyone else about it. You're the only person I know  
who could possibly understand. No one else must know. Do you promise   
to keep it a secret if I tell you?"  
  
My heart skipped a beat at his words. I found myself nodding  
before I could even get a chance to think things through. What really   
happened between Sempai and Motoko that night? Why was Sempai so   
determined to keep it a secret? A million possibilities raced through  
my mind, but none of them even came close to what he revealed.  
  
"Motoko tried to seduce me."  
  
I didn't expect that. I guess I was hoping that he would give  
me some improbable story about how they ended up that way through a  
series of innocent actions gone wrong. I didn't know how to react to  
the information so I just stared at him, my lower lip trembling. He  
started talking again after a few seconds, continuing his story.  
  
"She told me that she had something to show me in her room.  
After we got there, she took off her top and tried to get me to have   
sex with her. I resisted, of course, but she wouldn't take no for an   
answer. She pulled out all the stops, even going so far as to try   
taking me by force. I actually had to punch her to get away. The next  
thing I know, she was crying, saying something about never finding  
another guy who could appreciate her for what she was. I didn't know   
what else to do, so I went to her and gave her a hug. She stopped   
crying after a few seconds, but she wouldn't let go of me. I figured   
she was in a fragile state of mind right then so I kept hugging her.   
That was what I was doing when Naru walked in on us."  
  
I don't know how to describe how I was feeling after he said  
that. On one hand, I was angry at Motoko for doing what she did and  
annoyed at Keitaro for lying to everyone. On the other hand, I was so  
relieved to be sure that nothing happened between them. I couldn't  
understand why Keitaro had kept it a secret, though. I'm sure Naru  
would have forgiven him on the spot if she knew the truth. I was just  
about to ask him about it when I noticed the tears falling from his  
eyes. Sempai was crying. I didn't know what to make of it.  
  
"Sempai, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"  
  
He turned away from me, and mumbled something that sounded like   
'rye salt'. It took me a few seconds to realize that he was actually  
trying to say that the whole thing was his fault. I stood up, walked  
around the table so that I faced his back, and hugged him as tightly as  
I could.  
  
"Please stop crying," I whispered to him. "You can't take  
responsibility for Motoko's actions. It's not your fault."  
  
My words got a reaction from him, but not in the way that I  
had hoped they would. He twisted away from my arms and turned to face  
me. The expression on his face was one of great pain.  
  
"But it _is_ my fault!" he shouted. "Don't you see? I drove  
Motoko to do what she did by not moving on with my life! I've been  
married for years, but I still spend most of my free time here,  
flirting with everyone. I just couldn't let go! I knew that Motoko  
still had feelings for me, but I flirted with her anyway. I loved it!   
It was like Naru's love just wasn't enough for me... I wanted more.  
  
"After spending most of my life as a social outcast, the   
attention that I got from everyone here was like an addictive drug to   
me. I thought that I could just walk away from it after the wedding,  
but I couldn't. That's why you can't blame Motoko for what she did.  
She may have pulled the trigger, but I put the gun in her hands. The   
whole thing was entirely my fault. If I had just moved on with my life   
and left the rest of you girls alone, none of this would have happened.   
I've been living in the past, and I've kept everyone there with me.   
It's my fault, Shinobu. It's all my fault."  
  
I somehow found the courage to take Keitaro in my arms and   
hug him tightly, cradling his head against my chest. Keitaro has  
done so much for all of us at Hinatasou over the years, and for him to  
think he was somehow causing as harm was just... wrong. We must have  
made quite a sight, a young woman comforting a man many years her  
senior. Words to give him comfort seemed to flow naturally from my  
lips as I held him.   
  
"It's not your fault, Keitaro. Each of us is responsible for  
our own actions, and you can't take the blame whenever one of us makes  
a choice that doesn't work out. It's not your fault, Sempai. Please  
stop saying that it is."  
  
He stopped crying after a short while, but we remained in that   
position for the better part of an hour. I closed my eyes, savoring the   
moment of closeness between us. When I opened them again a few minutes  
later, Sempai's even, deep breathing told me that he had already   
fallen asleep. I half-dragged, half-lifted him onto my bed, then I   
pulled a chair beside it and sat down to keep watch over him. He looked   
so peaceful then, lying asleep on my bed. I hadn't been able to get him   
under the covers, but he seemed comfortable enough.  
  
I must have fallen asleep too, because the next thing I know   
Keitaro was gently shaking me awake. A quick glance at the wall clock   
told me that it was now a quarter to three in the morning. I stood up   
groggily and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. When I opened them to look   
at Keitaro, I found him smiling at me. I blushed hotly and turned away   
from him, embarrassed. His smile once again had that charm to it that  
never failed to turn my insides to Jell-O. I heard him chuckle, then I   
felt him grasp my shoulder and turn me back around to face him. I'll   
never forget the next few words he said to me.  
  
"Thanks for listening, Shinobu. I needed that."  
  
For the longest time after he said those words, we just stood  
there staring at each other. It wasn't an awkward silence that hung  
between us, like after that time he caught me watching one of Kitsune's  
hentai videos in the living room when I thought everyone else was out  
of the house. It was a warm, comfortable silence that came from our  
knowledge that we understood each other completely... that words were  
not necessary. I'm not sure if any of the other girls can connect with  
him in this way, but I like to think that it's something that he only  
has with me. A selfish thought, perhaps, but it gives me hope.  
  
I was able to savor the moment for a few more seconds before   
the clock rudely interrupted us by choosing that instant to ring three   
times, indicating the time. Keitaro smiled sheepishly and scratched  
the back of his head, nodding towards the clock's direction.  
  
"I guess I've overstayed a bit, haven't I? I better go home  
so you can get some sleep. Thanks for everything, Shinobu."  
  
As fate would have it, he attempted to step past me at the  
same time I attempted to do the same to him. The end result was   
that we tripped on each other's legs, instinctively grabbing hold of   
the nearest solid objects in an attempt to regain our balance. The  
fact that those objects turned out to be each other, unfortunately,   
meant that we only succeeded in pulling each other off our feet and   
somehow landing on my bed. We ended up with him lying on top of me,  
my skirt riding up to my waist. His thigh was pressing onto my groin  
and his right hand was firmly gripping my left breast. My eyes were  
tightly closed, and when I opened them I found that our faces were  
lying mere inches from each other.  
  
Upon realizing what had happened, Sempai immediately started  
trying to get up. His left arm was pinned underneath my body, however,  
so he was less than successful in his attempts. All he managed to do  
was raise my blouse until my belly was exposed. I think he might have  
been able to push it up over my bra if he hadn't forgotten to let go  
of my breast.  
  
For my part, I was completely unable to do much other than   
squirm underneath him because he was moving too erratically. I tried  
to pull him off of me so I could get some more leverage, but I made  
a slight mistake in choosing which part of him to grab and I found  
myself pulling his pants down to his knees. This of course made his  
already clumsy movements even more so. We continued struggling in this  
manner for a few more minutes until we had to stop because we were both  
out of breath. Amazingly, we were still in the same position we were  
in when we had initially fallen. We spent the next few seconds staring  
silently at each other once again. I raised myself to free Sempai's arm  
and he was able to get up with relatively little difficulty. As I  
expected, he immediately started apologizing.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Shinobu! I didn't mean to... um... that is...  
it wasn't my intention to grab your-"  
  
I'm still not sure what came over me, but I was suddenly filled  
with an incredible urge to shut him up with a kiss. I normally would  
have resisted it with all my might, but this time I just let it happen.  
His lips felt soft and his breath felt warm as we shared the deepest,  
most passionate kiss of my life. I felt a small pang of guilt at the  
fact that I was essentially seducing a married man, but I ignored it as  
I enjoyed the feeling of what might be the only time Keitaro and I  
could ever be together in this way. It's not like Naru-Sempai loved him   
any more than I did anyway. Besides, after everything we've been   
through, I deserved that much at least!  
  
It couldn't have been more than a couple of seconds before we  
separated, but I can honestly say that those were the best few seconds   
of my life. I didn't even give him a chance to react after he managed  
to get his breath back. I immediately threw myself at him and hugged  
him tightly as I made my request. I was experiencing a rare moment of  
courage, and I wasn't going to waste it.  
  
"Sempai, please don't go. Stay with me."  
  
He looked at me with sorrow in his eyes, and I immediately  
knew that he could not give me what I wanted.  
  
"Shinobu, you know I can't do that. Naru is-"  
  
"Naru isn't here," I interrupted. "I know you can't love me  
like you love her but, just this once, can't you stay with me? Can't  
you love me, even if it's just for tonight?"  
  
So he stayed.  
  
I knew it couldn't last, of course. I was well aware that what  
we were doing was little more than playing house. Soon, Naru would come  
back. Sempai would explain what really happened and they would go back  
to being the loving couple they usually were. However, in the darkness  
of my room, with Keitaro's arms around me, it was easy to pretend that  
we could stay like that forever. It was easy to believe that Keitaro  
was mine and mine alone. It didn't seem inconceivable that Naru might  
have gone for good, and I would be the one to comfort Sempai. Maybe I  
wasn't his promised girl, but we had gone to Todai with each other on   
several occasions. They say that when two people who love each other  
enter Todai together, they'll live happily ever after.  
  
*****  
  
Author's notes:  
  
I would like to thank Chester, Tony Loco, and all the people at  
the fanfiction refuge for all the help they've given me in writing  
this fic.  
  
This is a bit different from what I usually write, but I wanted   
to do a somewhat serious fic for a change. I tried to keep this nice   
and short, so I would have time to work on my other projects, and I  
think that I succeeded. I'm not sure if it's any good, though, so any   
comments about it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading!  
  
Please send C&C to ukyo_rulz@edsamail.com.ph 


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